Love Island Lesson 1: Jealousy is weird and creepy – unless you’re the one feeling it

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The parade of pert derrieres and shiny muscles moving in the slowest of slow motion begun last week.

Yes, Love Island is back!

But what love lessons can we learn from this year’s contestants on the ITV hit show?

Throughout the coming weeks An Idol Mind will closely examine the glossy-limbed, hairless love-seekers for tips on that hairiest of subjects: love.

Today, let’s start with the thorny topic of jealousy…

Joe Garratt is a 22-year-old Londoner who owns a catering company. The pretty, tousled haired chap has ‘caught feelings’ for another Love Island contestant.

After 1.5 days.

Yes, after one whole day and a half. And one (whole) kiss.

Lucie Donlan, who voluntarily refers to herself as a “surfing barbie” from Cornwall and tells us that her mammary glands sometimes fall out of her costume, is the lucky recipient of his desires.

You might assume from all this that she is one sandwich short of a picnic basket…

In fact, she’s a nice, level-headed lass. (Those introductory videos flatter us all into a false sense of superiority.)

Being the full picnic basket, Lucie therefore has absolutely no need for Joe’s sandwich making skills – it’s nice that she likes him anyway…

The pair seem very happy so you can imagine Joe’s horror when boxer, Tommy Fury, starts pursuing his(?) woman…

With eyes of the deepest blue, the walk of the Incredible Hulk, and words as inconsistent as lumpy porridge, Tommy is quite a proposition.

He ignores the fact that Lucie is happily coupled up with Joe, choosing her as his first date – and later selects her to couple up with.

Horror of horrors,  an initially reluctant Lucie actually finds herself enjoying his company.

So do viewers. (He’s annoyingly good looking.)

Fellow contestant Michael Griffiths saves people’s lives for a living (he’s a fireman) and is smart (he boasts a degree in bio-technology) and so should probably be listened to.

He urges restraint: “Don’t go factor 50,” he warns Joe.

Luckily, Joe decides to go factor 70.

“I thought I could trust you and now I don’t feel like I can…:” he tells Lucie – who has done absolutely nothing wrong.

So poor old guilt-stricken Lucie trudges over to Tommy and tells him that she prefers Joe.

Which we’re not sure she does. (Even after she picked Joe in Friday’s coupling ceremony. Totes strategic.)

Enter Amy Hart…

Amy is from Worthing and is an “international air hostess,” possibly because being a “local air hostess” doesn’t have quite the same ring.

The 26 year old smiley blonde has never had a boyfriend: “I’ve been single forever,” she says cheerfully – but soon couples up with the equally smiley Curtis Pritchard.

Curtis is a dancer, but mainly spends his time dispensing advice to his lovelorn flock of housemates.

Within two days Amy and Curtis are considered the “Mummy and Daddy” of Love Island.

Amy takes her duties seriously:

“I think he’s being a bit territorial after like such a short amount of time,” she says of Joe.

(She’s completely right.)

Lucie agrees: “It’s too drama for me and I don’t like it.”

A sage Amy tells us viewers:

“This is already ringing alarm bells with me.”

She has nothing but praise for the determined Tommy and his efforts to move Lucie away from Joe and into his well-hung arms.

While Tommy turns up the charm, Joe turns up the misery.

Social media is soon awash with Joe memes. He’s compared to that likeable serial killer chap in Netflix’s You, among other things.

All of us, myself included, think that he’s over-invested in the situation.

After all, jealousy is bad. Only losers feel it. Not you or I.

And definitely not Amy.

Enter Molly-Mae….

At the close of the first week, Molly-Mae Hague lands with a splash into the Love Island hot tub. She’s very tanned, very blonde –  and very much to the boys’ taste judging on their initial reaction…

Like all Love Island new arrivals, Molly-Mae gets to pick someone to go on a date with her.

Or, in this case, join her in the hot tub.

While Tommy’s date with her is at the request of viewers, Molly-Mae then makes the decision to ask Curtis to join her in the bubbles.

(I was just testing you – there were no bubbles in the hot tub. Weird.)

And why shouldn’t Molly-Mae ask Curtis on a date? It’s only the third day, it’s a free for all, right?

After all, if it’s fine for Tommy to choose Lucie for a date, it must be fine for Molly-Mae to choose Curtis for her date.


“Why would you do that?” asks Amy, (yes, Amy!) in disbelief.

“I’m not really sure if she knows about girl code but no, you just don’t do it. If you want to make friends with people it’s not the right way to go about things,” she declares.

(OK, but when Joe was struggling with a similar problem, you said… Oh, never mind, now probably isn’t a good time.)

For the sight of friendly Curtis daring to link arms with Molly-Mae on his return from their date unsettles Amy:

“I’m breathing, I can’t really breathe.” she murmurs, staring at the vision before her.

The other girls aren’t much of a consolation, they are as aghast as she is about LinkGate!

Fortunately, Curtis, an affable straightforward chap – who friend-zoned Molly-Mae in 10 seconds flat – is quick to reassure Amy that he’s very much into her.

Amy is also quick to recover her composure: “No, I completely trusted you…” she says immediately.

But she’s still indignant that Molly-Mae would dare to get to know him and she vows not to hug her hello as a result!

“I am with you so let’s be lovely, kind and nice.” Curtis says nicely but firmly.

And since Amy is lovely, kind and nice – and since disaster has been averted – that’s exactly how things play out.

For now…

But let it be a lesson to us all – if jealousy can affect the eminently sensible Amy, it can happen to any of us…

It is what it is.

NEXT: Love Island Lesson 2: Be your Annoying self at all times #Amber

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