Made in Chelsea: the one where Sam crashes Habbs’ date

in Made in Chelsea/MiC Series 16

If you dared to brave Made in Chelsea last night, you would have found Sophie ‘Habbs’ Habboo and bestie, Melissa Tattam, discussing one of life’s great mysteries – Sam Thompson…

Yes, episode four of series 16, sees the girls scratching their perfectly coiffed heads at the conundrum that is Sammy.

The blue-eyed boy with the facial expressions of a woebegone puppy, certainly could be considered a bit of a dog in some quarters.

Having cheated on Habbs right in front of her face and on video, the previous episode saw him beginning Operation Get Habbs Back.

After an emotional speech at his sister’s engagement party, clearly for Habbs’ benefit, he ran after her declaring: “I’ll be the man you want me to be!”

We’d like to think that this was a poorly judged comedy skit on Sam’s part, but Habbs is taking him seriously…

“Part of me does believe him,” she confesses, looking suitably embarrassed.

Talk turns to Tristan Phipps, Habb’s new romantic distraction. A worryingly innocent looking chap whose main point of distinction is not being Sam Thompson.

And for now, that’s all Melissa needs to hear.

“Obviously I’ll like him. Anything’s better than Sam Thompson,” she adds with a broad grin.

Sam is going to love this…

Meanwhile at Ollie’s house, the gloriously undomesticated Liv is hard at work poisoning Sam and Ollie Locke with some kind of pork substance that isn’t recognisable as bacon.

Sam is too busy complaining about his lovelorn status, post-Habbs. to notice what he’s eating: “All I ever do is think about her,” he says with a sigh and a chomp.

Ollie is starting to look slightly constipated, which is no surprise at all, given what Liv’s feeding them – however,  in this case his facial acrobatics actually mean that he’s had a moment of revelation:

You should probably stop cheating on women…
Ollie Locke

It’s an idea, Ollie. It’s an idea.

Of course, Louise Thompson’s love life is a complete success, compared to her brother’s. She and finance, Ryan Libbey, are sipping tea and basking in the afterglow of their recent engagement.

Or at least Ryan is…

Louise is now in a panic because posher-than-thou Victoria Baker Harber and Mark-Francis Vandelli are insisting that she set a date for the wedding.

Louise, who avows that she would have married Ryan “if he’d given me a Haribo ring,” isn’t impressing anyone:

I’d have made him choke on it.

No, Mark-Francis is not one to be distracted by sugary professions of love – he’s focused on the practicalities:

“People’s diaries get terribly, terribly full…” he continues, ominously.

He and Victoria sweep off, threatening to send them a to-do list.

Meanwhile, Melissa, Harry Baron and Habbs are drinking “more champagne.”

Frankly, it would be quicker to fill up a swimming pool with champers and submerge themselves in it.

This time their excuse for “champs” is because they’re meeting Tristan for the first time.

Tristan is “a safari man” who has been living in South Africa…

What he has clearly failed to realise is that safari animals are nothing compared to the dangerous creatures of Chelsea.

Take Liv Bentley, for example…

We return to Ollie’s place, where Liv is showing him a gold necklace, coiled around her neck.

It’s a little present from her current romantic distraction, Harison Edwards.

(She’s been dating him for two weeks, so jewellery was long overdue.)

However, Liv declares: “I’ve just got rid of one necklace, I don’t need another one at this point!”

She is, of course, referring to her recent messy split with Digby Edgley.

Here’s a suggestion, Liv: decline Harison’s necklace.

Here’s another suggestion: perhaps don’t wear the unwanted item around your neck!

Also, maybe don’t text your ex…  (Easier said than done, admittedly.)

Small suggestions but worth taking on board…

Liv then confesses to thinking about Digby while she lies in bed spooning with Harison.

“Is that normal?” she asks Ollie.

Fortunately, common sense comes flooding back: “No, it’s not,” she suddenly realises.

We’ve got her back! Stay with us, Liv!

Of course, you can’t get away from anyone in the Chelsea set.

For while roaming about in the huge city that is London, Sam Thompson inevitably bumps into Melissa.

Who could loosely be described as not a fan

Right, Sammy boy, a good way to get in with the girl you like is to charm their friends.

Here’s your chance – go for it!

Sammy then proceeds to tell her that he wants Habbs back.

“I know you have an opinion about it,” he adds bullishly, “but I don’t care!”

It is fair to say that Melissa does not look charmed by this outburst.

But Sam feels she shouldn’t interfere because she took Harry back: “…you took Harry back, why can’t she take me back?” is his logic.

Look, we love you Sammy, but it’s not quite the same…

Harry flirted with a girl once…and lied about it.

You shagged a girl…and lied about it. Then you convinced Habbs to forgive you and take you back – and then snogged two more girls, in the same night, one of which you did right in front of her.

Isn’t that a little different?

Meanwhile, the Liv and Digby saga continues to roll on.

And what this ex-couple are rolling on – is a bed.

AKA hooking up in secret…

Digby rashly declares: “…last night felt like it used to feel.”

It’s not clear why this is a positive given that whatever they used to feel ended in a breakup.

Perhaps in some vague way, Digby realises this because he adds: “I don’t want you leading me up the garden path.”

There are no paths or roads here, Digby – think of it more as a wilderness

“So, what do we do now?” he asks, not really taking charge of the situation.

“I don’t know.:.” Liv replies, also refusing to take charge of the situation.



We really need some light relief at this point…

Fortunately, the glossily handsome Miles is experiencing a “dry patch” of Sahara proportions, and is therefore looking to the stern-and-saucy Sophie Hermann for dating advice.

Young Miles has spent a previous series pursuing an amused Sophie, before getting roundly rebuffed.

Perhaps Sophie is a little bored at this point, because she readily agrees to mentor Miles in the ways of women.

“I think we need some one-on-one,” Sophie exhales seductively.

“I would love that,” breathes Miles, making eyes at her.

(Oh, please – nothing will happen! This is the woman who turned down blond viking god, Fredrik Ferrier, for god’s sake… Her head cannot be turned!)

Meanwhile, since Liv’s head has been turned by Digby, she now needs to head off Harison’s determination to make things official:

“Probably might be about the time to start thinking about being exclusive, just you and I,” Harison naively suggests.

“What – not hooking up with other people?” says Liv, sounding horrified.

“Um….I mean…” she adds helpfully.

When a person hums and hars and looks away, it’s a sign that they’ve got something to hide.

Luckily for Liv, Harison appears oblivious.

“Don’t worry I’m not bonking anyone else if that’s what you’re asking,” lies Liv.

(Oh, come on! Stop the booing! The men of Chelsea treat women so poorly, it’s hard to 100% hate Liv’s minx-like qualities.)

Ryan, however, has a very different take – and he’s not shy of sharing it: “She is literally in the driving seat, laughing at you,” he tells a morose Digby.

The question is – where is she driving to?

Does anyone have the Sat Nav?

Fortunately, our Liv womans up and calls Harison – from the safety of her mobile phone – to break the bad news.

He doesn’t take it well…

But he still takes it a lot better than Sam has reacted to the news that Tristan and Habbs are going on another date.

Having heard through the grapevine that Tristan is taking Habbs to her favourite restaurant, he’s decided…

to gatecrash their date…

in order to make Habbs realise…

what a totally uncreepy catch he is…

He announces his plan to Louise and Ryan, who are always his staunchest supporters.

As he marches off to do the deed, Ryan and Louise take a moment to reflect upon their loved-one’s decline.

“God, he’s a moron,” exhales Ryan.

Louise does not disagree.

Ahead of Sam’s intrusion, Habbs and Tristan’s date is going well.

I mean, not brilliantly, because they’re talking about Aston Martins…

Thankfully, Sam puts an end to all that when he car crashes into the date.

He saunters in, sits himself down at their table and tries to look resolutely unembarrassed about what he’s doing.

To be fair to Sam, he is very magnanimous, telling Tristan:

“And I don’t mind having you here…unless you wanted to go?”

Tristan, who is massively under-reacting to the situation at hand, replies: “I’ll stick this one out.”

“Good lad!” Sam replies chummily.

He then begs for forgiveness from Habbs, ending his speech with “..I genuinely love you…”

Habbs is trying to hide behind her hand.

(It’s rare that a woman wishes to have ‘man hands’ but this is the one time where it really would have been helpful.)

“Sam this really isn’t the place to be telling me that. It’s just making me feel really uncomfortable,” she groans.

Romantic niceties done with, Sam then tells her flat out that she doesn’t want to be with Tristan.

(Fair point, Sam!)

Still, this realisation should probably be expressed by Habbs, rather than Sam and an audience of one saddened safari man.

Tristan and Habbs then both ‘suggest’ that Sam leave.

And he eventually does…

Reflecting upon the evening with the long-suffering Louise, Sam is a little chastened:

“Game over. Can’t do anymore,” he says, quite a few episodes later than we would have liked.

But the drama isn’t over yet – there is now a dinner party to contend with…

Harry Baron has invited everyone to Miles’ date with a history student he met under Sophie’s guidance.

Or so it seems.

Because somehow they are having their first date at a dinner party.

Complete with pep talks from the other guests.

And Habbs is there.
And Sam is there.
And Digby is there.
And Liv is there.

So, we know where this is going…

Habbs fills Melissa in on Sam’s poor restaurant etiquette.

Predictably, Melissa is not impressed: “I mean – hold on a minute, he wasn’t even there to have dinner? He literally went to just sabotage your date?”

“Who does that?” asks Habbs.

“No one does that!” affirms Melissa.

Of course, after a few moments of talking with Sam, Habbs is conceding that it was kind of “sweet” to be stalked by him.

And that she would like to go for a coffee with him…

And that she’s not going to tell Tristan!

“I don’t need to have a conversation with Trist just because I’m going to meet up with Sam,” says our Habbs defiantly, crossing over to the dark side.

In search of a moral compass, the camera pans to Melissa’s face.

She doesn’t look happy.

The camera swings back to Sam.

Have you ever seen anyone look so pleased with themselves?

He’s grinning from ear to ear like the cheshire cat and nodding his head in approval.

He’s won.

Let’s hope it was all about the prize…and not about the competition…

Thought the drama was now over?  If so, then you don’t know Ryan.

It seems that Ryan is not a man to let things lie.

Digby has told him about his and Liv’s sleeping arrangements, so Ryan announces to the dinner party that they’ve been shagging.

“You don’t understand how much you’re toying with this poor guy,” says the blunt bodybuilder, and he’s got a point.

“Okay, but that’s his choice, he’s a big boy, he doesn’t have to come back to me if he doesn’t want to,” snaps Liv, who also has a point.

“I’ve got to be honest, you guys really shouldn’t be sleeping with each other,” interjects a sensible Alex Mytton.

(You know you’re in trouble when Mytton is the voice of reason.)

But Ryan isn’t done. After all, as a gym bunny he’s got stamina on his side:

I can just see right through you. You’re very toxic and manipulative about what’s going on here. It’s horrible.
Ryan Libbey

You just knew it would all end in tears.

“I’m so drained by all of this,” cries Liv.
“So am I, Liv,” says Digby.
So are we, Liv.

But we all get a reprieve, because Liv and Digby agree to “leave it.”

(To the palpable relief of everyone trying to enjoy the cold remains of their dinner.)

The last we see of Liv is her stalking out of the disastrous dinner party to the resounding sound of silence.

Here’s what happens next…

Is stalking the new dating? Should the Made in Chelsea set give up on hosting dinner parties and host funerals instead? Is it too late for Ryan to swap the diamond ring for a tasty Haribo? Are you more likely to come to harm in Chelsea than on safari?

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